PUZZLE (my book)


My daily work is putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Fragments of ideas, linked to situations, people or locations. When the puzzle is completed, my work will be completed. So I hope I will never find the last ten pieces of my one thousand-piece puzzle. As a child I was never interested in puzzles; they made me nervous. I could never find the match and it was too time-consuming. I couldn’t concentrate or sit still. I was not a very playful child. I had no toys, no dolls or comics. I did not want them, I was quiet and serious. I made houses under the table of the dining room, or I drew in my room, or later listened to music on my Braun radio. I am an only child and I was not unhappy with this situation although sometimes all the attention from my parents was too overwhelming and then I behaved badly, rejecting their love. I feel sorry about that now and would like to apologise to my parents who are not here anymore. Of course they knew that I felt special as an only child. It made me a loner, and so I was able to play a more intriguing role in the group and in my little society composed of classmates and friends. But back to the puzzle… it is strange that the metaphor of the puzzle is my way of explaining why my decisions or changes need time. It is because I have to search for the right piece of the puzzle and the right moment to put the pieces together. I cannot follow the logic that the game requires. I need chaos, disorder, error, discontent, anger, and doubt to find the path to the final construction. Not always easy for the team around me, because I am not always able to explain why I need more time. They can read my body language, my attitude, my gaze. They can read in my eyes if I am angry or happy, worried or relaxed. Marina Abramović sat for three months in MoMa, New York, in a performance called “The Artist is Present”. She sat in front of a person that changed every three minutes and looked into that person’s eyes. It changed their lives; some cried, some closed their eyes because her gaze was too intense. When she sat in front of Ulay, once her life companion, she cried and took his hands in hers. The puzzle was complete.